Dear all PUA people!!

not sure if this the best section for this so apologies up front if not!

Just wanted to get everyones' feel on the following:
If you're idea of a dream bird is just too high... is it better to just stay single forever or lower your standards and deal with it?

seriously.... whenever I get asked 'whats your ideal bird', I tell them, then they just say 'yeah, but being serious WHAT is your ideal chick as those type of birds YOU are just not gonna get / dont exist '....

Its really starting to get to me now, and I'm forever contemplating accepting just being with anyone who shows some attention!
I've done it all my life before (getting with those that show attention) and I just end up being miserable. I have been in relationSHITS for years due to the fear of being alone, but I'm over that now, and I just don't want to date chicks who aren't what I want.

Am I bad person for feeling this way????

Everyone's dream bird is different & specific to them, possessing the qualities you would be more than happy with. I have a certain criteria which my "dream bird" should have, & I've refrained from getting serious with girls who aren't "her".

Your dream bird isn't unattainable, because your dream bird will be, for the most part, similar to you in the sense that you are into the same things & share the same interests, values, beliefs etc.

Just make sure you're being truly honest + realistic with yourself in what you are really looking for, & don't be crying yourself to sleep at night because Jenna Jameson married some other guy.

Have you considered not framing things in terms of chasing some imaginary ideal in the first place?

Years back I read The Unbearable Lightness of Being, which gave me a slightly different outlook on the whole thing:

The distinction is interesting, but the description is more harsh on the 'epic' womaniser than it is on the 'lyrical', which I disagree with.

First off I'd substitute 'possess the endless variety' for 'experience the endless variety'. Second, the fact that there's an endless variety means it's not really necessary to be a 'curiosity chaser'. As all people are unique, each experience will seem unique and interesting if it can correctly be seen for what this is.

This allows you to experience people with a sincere interest in who and how they are, on a short or long term basis, rather then constantly against some illusory ideal standard that doesn't really exist. One idea is in tune with reality and will lead to satisfaction. The other isn't and wont.

That's my thoughts on this up to this point anyway.

I remember feeling like it was a bit all over the place when I read it, but there are a few good ideas I took from it. I'm not sure how much it as a whole, but I'm thinking of giving it another go.

Thank you for the replies so far.... I'm shocked that I have had so many of them so prompt!

Just to clarify... what im trying to get at is my dream girl would be thin, easy going, likes rock music, dark sense of humour, tattoos, piercings and can dress well.

Is that really a high standard? And if so is that because I'm the being an ass hole or should I be 'praised' for being honest? If I can't find a woman that fits this, I genuinely don't see the point of trying to start something as my previous gfs have not been the above and have all ended.
also, after 4 years of being single, I'm used to being on my own and not having regular sex Life, but also not having to think about anyone else which is the greatest of being single. Should I give all that up for someone less than what I truly want?

Many thanks to all of you on this

If you've been single for 4 years and you've also had a dry patch that has lasted that long, I'd say you're not trying hard enough. If you like this sort of girl go to where they accumulate i.e. there's a rock festival in Camden tomorrow.

I have a very similar issue, my type of girl is a typical topshop girl: leather jacket and eyebrows like cara delevigne, and pretty decent banter. Now when I walk the streets realistically I'll find one or two who are my type and decent enough.

Buit that's just my ideal. There's loads of birds who you still find hot but don't hit your ideal. Try one of each once see if you like it. You can't just put yourself in a box, otherwise you won't do anything even if you see your ideal.

@kowalski
cheers dude.... this is exactly what I needed to hear (I'm being genuine... not sarcastic on this). nice to know there's loads out there.... just haven't got a clue how to get one! (That is also un fortunately the truth too). Also, I expect a degree of 'mental' with females! ! Yes my mates are idiots.... sick and tired of the put downs now!

@top-hot.
love camben and yes your right there's loads more that the fit the ideal down there rather than the town I live in Midlands. I see loads of chicks who are hot but don't fit the ideal and would happily get to know them better... even if just for a casual sex... so I'm not putting myself 'in a box'... I see probably 20 chicks a day who are stunning but not the ideal.
I haven't tried hard enough no.... because I haven't got a the faintest clue how to 'pull' in the traditional idea... and like kowalski said, my mates are idiots and as clueless as me so no one to 'show the way'...hence being on here.

Cheers to you both.... top people!!

@kowalski

By 'pull' I mean 'pick up', 'approach', 'seduce'.... however you wish to word it.
I'm totally useless at it and I'm fearfull of doing it... so that's why I don't talk to the 20 odd that I see on a regular basis... I just choke up and my mind goes blank. If the ice is broken.. say at mates party or work do... Fine. .. no problems there. I can keep the conversation/interest going, but I wouldn't dream of approaching at a pub or club... way too much competition!
To be able to get a number from a chick that i like the look of would be empowering to say the least!

So you're concluding that it's not the type of women that you want per se, it's how you would feel about yourself if you could date that kind of women. Agreed?

@postscript
I appreciate you would come to that conclusion from my previous response, but that's not EXACTLY what I mean... the 'empowering' bit of my previous response is poorly worded I guess? (my bad!)
All I'm trying to say is, there's a 'type' of woman that I really would love to date (as stated before), but obviously there are plenty that don't fit that 'type' that I am also attracted to, and therefore are also potential dates. BUT, because I'm awful at meeting/approaching/picking up women (in any setting), I feel that I wont get to be with my preferred type of woman.
Because of this (hence original post title) should I accept that I will have to settle for someone that doesn't fit my ideal type, or just carry on being single (as I'm quite used to it now).
what I meant by 'empowering' is that at the moment, because of my issues with approaching etc... Im kind of just 'seeing if someone will come along' (as in im not being active / not trying hard enough)... but if I could actively get numbers from women I like, then it would be 'empowering' as to speed up the process of finding someone to settle with.
hope that makes sense.....
btw...I don't want to come across as an egotistical asshole... I am not an oil painting & I certainly don't class myself as some sort of 'elite' who's entitled to the hottest chicks on the planet!