Manchester / Liverpool Based

[Constantine]

Hi folks. This isn’t going to be a quick intro so I'm sorry, I wish it could be but I’m hopeless at condensing info. I am from around the Manchester and Liverpool area and work as head of admin in a sales department.

Im new to this site but not necessarily pua yet as far as the pua scene is concerned im no more experienced as a five year old boy who has just discovered there is more than one name for his tallywacker.

After a long term relationship break up nearly ten years ago I bumped into an old school friend who recommended ‘The Game’ which I read and enjoyed thoroughly. Now it wasn’t necessarily the material that worked for me but the inspiration to get out there and go for it and to be mindful of certain things that were happening while I was out on the pull. My confidence grew as I recognised what women were doing and how to circumnavigate certain things and avoid doing others. This led to a decent amount of success over a few years in which I eventually settled with someone who was in most peoples opinions “way above my league” but I didn’t give a fuck. I earned it.
After that relationship broke up two and a half years in (we both wanted the same thing but at different times, she was after all ten years younger than me), I was of course a little empty. I based my life around that relationship so when it fell apart I struggled a fair bit and as I passed thirty I pretty much didn’t want to be going out there and starting again, I was rather hoping she was the last one. So like a fool I spent a long time trying to get over her. Took me a year, something I’m not proud of at all. That was over two years ago and since then I have been “out there” a lot, here there and everywhere and I have to be honest I am struggling more than I thought I would and though I am mainly putting it down to age (I’m 33) and the fact that most girls I go for and seem to end up close to are 20-25, this is not getting easier as I get older yet women closer to my age I either don’t find attractive, they have something I don’t want like kids or other baggage (I don’t have kids or baggage) or there is a glaring reason they are 29-35 and still single. It makes me sound like a bit of an arsehole but I just cant help fancying younger women, being a big kid myself I get on with them better (although I can be mature enough when it counts).

I have a number of points I am suffering as a result of and need some help to push through them.
I have recently read tons of material and self help books on all manner of subjects from confidence to controlling environments and I feel better but am still getting no results.
My main problems are as follows:

1) Approach. My approach is non existent. I would love to call this approach anxiety but I know what anxiety and fear feel like and this isn’t it. I just don’t do anything, I just freeze up, but not in a fearful way, just like everything suddenly cant move or cant be arsed. Four hours later I know what I should have done and how I should have done it but its too late and all I have are regrets for not trying.

2) I really really give a fuck. To exude confidence and be a higher value to other people its best to not really give a fuck. I struggle with that as people can smell it on me that I actually care about them. As soon as they know they run. If I could appear more aloof it may help. But how are you supposed to pursue someone while not giving a shit about them. I have blown so many chances with women telling them I am really into them so I don’t do that any more but they can still sense it, its written all over me.

3) I overthink everything. Like this post I go on and on, and I barely miss a beat. Perceptive people and particularly women can see this about me and it puts so many people off as all I am doing is assessing the situation and looking out for people and myself but I look like a vulture hunting for scraps, this crosses over into point 2 as I don’t look like I’m having a good time all the time. I need to find a way to ‘dumb down’ at least temporarily.

4) Lead the men and you lead the women. I am about as Alpha as a chicken drumstick. I cant lead shit. I want to improve this area for other reasons such as work as I am supposed to be in a high position at work but my reputation is not congruent with this. I have had to cleverly eliminate almost everyone who cause me problems and does not respect me and other the years I have systematically succeeded in doing this so I have a chance for a new start as we will recruit at work soon and I’d like to be seen as more of a leader. I cant help but think this also ties into point 2 somehow that if you don’t seek approval you just get it or something.

My friend (who I respect and thoroughly enjoy his company) that I go out with on the pull doesn’t usually approach (he falls into situations or women approach him occasionally) and when he does its half assed and he is a fucking mess. Kids, relationship in tatters but his ex still living at his house, doesn’t want a relationship with anyone, skint, cant remember details like the girl hes talking to’s name, tells them all brutally honest embarrassing details of his life and how much shitter it is than the person he is talking to (as they are usually bragging that there house is amazing, boyfriend is loaded, travelling the world etc he tells them his life is a fucking mess but in an ‘I don’t give a fuck’ way not a sympathy gaining way) and I could go on. The success he has is a thousand times better than mine and although I could not copy his game I respect his. The shit he comes out with is cringe worthy but it works. I need to beat him. Although I respect his natural game I want to show him how its done.
I also just want to find someone who is right for me. I’m not after the HB9’s and 10’s. I just want to see a girl I’m attracted (something I see on a daily basis or wherever I go, I’m not too fussy in a manner of speaking) and know what to do to get them. The relationship stuff ill handle myself and ill either get it right or not but at this moment in time I’m getting nothing from anyone.

I need a mentor.

[Jynx-Manchester]

Welcome to the forum mate!

Your problems can easily be fixed, there's loads of us from manchester so a night out will be had in the near future!

[Constantine]

Thanks, and thanks for reading. I do tend to waffle on a bit but its all for the greater good

[Jynx-Manchester]

waffle on as much as you like my mate, im sure 90% of the members of this forum will take time out to read and give you advice!

[Serendipity]

The new start at your work sounds positive. Improving the leadership thing could indirectly help with addressing the other problems you mentioned.

[Constantine]

Originally Posted by Serendipity

The new start at your work sounds positive. Improving the leadership thing could indirectly help with addressing the other problems you mentioned.

Thanks, it does sound promising but if i dont get the leadership mentality drummed into me and fixed before it all happens i will end up being seen as a peice of shit not to be listened to as opposed to a person of authority which puts me back to what square one was a few months ago. So i will be raising this point in a future forum post to see if i can get help.