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Default When she wants to bring her friend on the date - 16-09-2018, 10:25 PM

She came back after 5 years and messaged me. This is a long and exciting story with the background of how I met this girl and what has happened between us. Really hope you guys can give me some good advice, not sure how I should handle this situation with this girl.

Let's call the girl i dated Tracy.

Back in 2011 when I was 18 years old there was this girl who was interested in me (Tracy). She is a few years younger than I am. It started out by Tracy adding me on Facebook and we started chatting alot and after a few days we were sending sex-messages back and forth. However at that point i considered her too young for me since she had not turned 15 yet, so I went and hooked up with another girl instead which Tracy was aware of and it made her want me even more.

We didn't speak for about 8 months until the summer of 2012 when she had turned 15. I messaged her again. The spark was still there and we decided to meet up in the neighbourhood where she lived. Tracy wanted her friend to come along on the date but her friend had something coming up in the last minute so it was just me and her. Me and Tracy kissed on the first date and she made some sexual jokes involving me and her. I could tell she was very interested in me. After that date I started to blow up her phone which really turned her off (I didn't know better back then). For the next two dates I met Tracy, her friend was also coming along on the date and I acted more insecure because I felt like I had to impress her friend. Back then I didn't have the confidence that I have today and I also started to show I really cared about Tracy more than she cared about me. Nothing happened during those dates when her friend was present. She finally gave me the "Let's just be friends" speech and I accepted it, however she still flirted with me at times over text but I guess it was just because she wanted my validation. She started to talk about other guys with me and after being the sweet caring nice-guy that got friendzoned I blew up and we had a fight over text. We didn't speak for 3 months after that, until I contacted her over text and apologized for my behavior which she accepted.

We started to speak again the summer of 2013 and initially because my attraction for her was unknown, her interest was back again. However, I turned her off by feminine weak texts and could never seem to get a date with her. She started refering to me as her friend again and I didn't do anything about that. She had a boyfriend shortly after that and we didn't have contact again until the end of the summer, when she and her friend called me and wanted me to come over. I brought a friend of mine to the date to level the playfield which I thought was a good idea. It was nice to have his support on the date but nothing happened this time either. Shortly after we had another date with her friend and my friend but nothing happened that time either. After the date I continued my feminine-caring texting with her and I started to realize how deep in the friendzone I was, the fall of 2013. To this, me and my friend came up with the plan that I should text her and confess my feelings for her and that I wanted to be more than friends with her. I never did this though, because I knew what her answer would be.

It was at this point that I discovered Corey Wayne and I realized all of my mistakes. I knew that I had to not contact her at all and let go of her completely and work on myself, but be prepared if she ever contacted me again. I have since then continued working out in the gym and I am almost a computer engineer now. I have watched more than half of Corey's videos and read his book 10 times since that. I am alot more confident and strong today than I was back then. I have also followed other dating-channels like AMS (this channel), Dating-Logic and Based Zeus. And I have, ofcourse during these years, hooked up with other girls.

Now in 2018, after 5 years of radio silence, Tracy has finally contacted me again. Last weekend during the evening when I was having fun with my friends, Tracy's friend called me (ofcourse it was Tracy's idea to call me but she was insecure about it, that's why Tracy's friend called me instead of her). I was so busy that I didn't notice the call until the next day (which is a good thing, women are more attracted to men whose feelings are unclear). So the next day I sent her friend a text message where I explained that I was busy and missed the call and asked her if it was something special (had I ignored it totally, Tracy would have given up). Her friend didn't reply to my message but yesterday (saturday) Tracy's friend called again. I answered this time. Tracy's friend responded and Tracy was in the background. They congratulated me on my birthday that was recently(I'm 24 now) and started to talk about how long it was since we had heard from eachother. I kept the conversation light and positive and we spoke for about 10-15 minutes. Tracy's friend mentioned that Tracy was getting shy at a few points when I spoke to Tracy. The fact that Tracy reached out to me again after all this time tells me that her interest in me is back up. They wanted to meet me that same saturday night but I had other plans to meet up with friends which I told them. I didn't make any counter-offer though because then, Tracy's friend would definetly have needed to be included on the date. Tracy said in the end that she wanted me to call her sometime and her friend joked and added "or do we wait another 5 years", to which we all laughed. I told them jokingly that no, that's too long. I feel like I have played my cards good so far and that the ball is now on my side of the pitch.

I'm writing to you guys because I need advice. The margin between overpursuing and underpursuing, which are both turn-offs, is very thin right now. My ideas of what to do:

If I don't act soon, Tracy will definetly give up.
I must ask Tracy out. I'm thinking about doing it this week or next week, going out for drinks. I will contact her on Wednesday or Thursday that is 48 hours before the date and set it up, a few texts back and forth and then ask when she is free.

The problem is this. Tracy will definetly want her friend to come along. And as Corey says it's not good to do group-dates, which he is right about, just look what happened when I did it a few years ago. However, since her friend called me when Tracy wanted to contact me and since her friend has been on all of our previous dates except for the first one, I might come along as rude when I say that I only want it to be me and Tracy, unless I say it in a very good way.

I feel like I will be in the friend-zone again if I go out with Tracy and her friend. Nothing sexual or romantic will happen between me and Tracy, and the intimate feeling will not be there.

My thoughts right now are that I should ask Tracy out and when she brings up her friend I tell Tracy that I want her and me to meet alone. I might have to explain it further to not come across as rude so I might have to confess to Tracy that I am interested in her as more than a friend (which validates her..which is not good) and that I want to get to know her more and see where things go, but also being willing to walk away in case she doesn't want to do that. I mean, the alternative is toe to meet Tracy and her friend and then one week later ask Tracy over to my place for a second date, at which point we can hook up. But as I said, I think there might not be a second date because I'm gonna be friendzoned again if Tracy brings her friend.

What do you guys think I should do?
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Default 17-09-2018, 08:19 AM

I doubt anyone whose advice is worthwhile receiving is going to read all that. I certainly won't.

I know without reading that it is not a long or exiting story.


Peace,

kowalski


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daleinthedark (17-09-2018)
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Default 17-09-2018, 08:33 AM

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Originally Posted by kowalski View Post
I doubt anyone whose advice is worthwhile receiving is going to read all that. I certainly won't.

I know without reading that it is not a long or exiting story.


Peace,

kowalski
The gist is that I used to date this girl (Tracy), made out with her but then screwed up by being needy and weak. After that I accepted group dates with Tracy and her friend. She friendzoned me. I walked away. When she came back I made the same mistakes again. I walked away again and now after 5 years without contact she has reached out to me.

Without being rude I need a way to tell her that I want to see only her for a catch-up over a drink, without her friend. Since her friend has been on the majority of our dates back in the days I need a good way to say that I want it to be just her and me.

Thank you
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Default 17-09-2018, 08:49 AM

If her friend was there not for a 3some, they were not dates.

A way to tell her that you want to see only her for a catch-up drink without her friend "I only want to meet up with you. Don't bring your friend." But, honestly, that's weak af. Better to be more honest. Call her and say that you want to meet her for a date and that you don't want to be her friend.

Really though... you should have moved the fuck on ages ago. You kissed once. Years ago. How old are you?


Peace,

kowalski


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daleinthedark (17-09-2018)
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Default 17-09-2018, 10:33 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by kowalski View Post
If her friend was there not for a 3some, they were not dates.

A way to tell her that you want to see only her for a catch-up drink without her friend "I only want to meet up with you. Don't bring your friend." But, honestly, that's weak af. Better to be more honest. Call her and say that you want to meet her for a date and that you don't want to be her friend.

Really though... you should have moved the fuck on ages ago. You kissed once. Years ago. How old are you?


Peace,

kowalski
No idea why you feel the need to be so rude. I'm new to this forum and your reply is definetly not a good first impression. Ofc I have moved on, that's why I let her go and lived my life and hooked up with other girls. I am just wondering what you would say in my situation now that she came back and tbh you gave useless advice. I knew better before I even asked the question.
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Default 17-09-2018, 03:28 PM

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Originally Posted by Lacaille View Post
Ofc I have moved on, that's why I let her go and lived my life and hooked up with other girls. I am just wondering what you would say in my situation now that she came back and tbh you gave useless advice. I knew better before I even asked the question.
This isn't the behaviour of someone who's moved on tbh man. Also, what exactyl about that advice is so useless in your opinion?


“As to methods there may be a million and then some, but principles are few. The man who grasps principles can successfully select his own methods. The man who tries methods, ignoring principles, is sure to have trouble.” - Emerson
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kowalski (17-09-2018)
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Default 17-09-2018, 04:42 PM

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Originally Posted by Stein View Post
This isn't the behaviour of someone who's moved on tbh man. Also, what exactyl about that advice is so useless in your opinion?
Well ofc I think it's interesting when girls come back. It has happened a few times already that other girls I know came back after a long time because I walked away, and then I have been able to finally score with them.

I'm strategizing in everything I do in life, I'm comparing different methods in detail and I find it interesting. I already knew I had to get her alone just me and her, so all I got from kowalski was an insult. He asks me how old I am but I'm gonna have to ask him the same question back. I thought people on this forum were more mature than to insult eachother over the Internet.

I have nothing against you though, Stein.
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Default 17-09-2018, 07:57 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Lacaille View Post
The gist is that I used to date this girl (Tracy), made out with her but then screwed up by being needy and weak. After that I accepted group dates with Tracy and her friend. She friendzoned me. I walked away. When she came back I made the same mistakes again. I walked away again and now after 5 years without contact she has reached out to me.

Without being rude I need a way to tell her that I want to see only her for a catch-up over a drink, without her friend.
As K said, ask her out on a date if she contacted you. If she's 22 now then she shouldn't be dragging her mate along.

Literally use those words and organise drinks somewhere interesting but not too posh, seeing live-music or something else fun but non-commital.
"Hey it's been a few years, lets have a date at [interesting cocktail bar/pub] on Thursday or Saturday night?"

It sounds like you're overly invested emotionally in this so chances are this neediness will surface unless you change your approach but that's easier said than done...


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Default 17-09-2018, 08:16 PM

Only you think my advice was bad.
Only you think there was an insult.

Insulted by a question! Pathetic.
However old you are, you need to grow up.


Peace,

kowalski


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Last edited by kowalski; 17-09-2018 at 08:35 PM.
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Default 17-09-2018, 08:17 PM

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Originally Posted by daleinthedark View Post
As K said, ask her out on a date if she contacted you. If she's 22 now then she shouldn't be dragging her mate along.

Literally use those words and organise drinks somewhere interesting but not too posh, seeing live-music or something else fun but non-commital.
"Hey it's been a few years, lets have a date at [interesting cocktail bar/pub] on Thursday or Saturday night?"

It sounds like you're overly invested emotionally in this so chances are this neediness will surface unless you change your approach but that's easier said than done...
Thanks for your input. I believe you are absolutely right. It will be important to keep the romantic vibe. You are right that I have become more emotionally invested sicne I started to analyze this. But I will be able to handle it. Been watching guys like Corey Wayne and AMS and learned alot. I will definetly walk away if I don't get what I want and I will not be pushy or needy.
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