I find it very difficult imagine dating or fucking a girl IRL I lack an emotional connection with. Sadly my dick doesn't agree with this outlook which is why I'm here.

One of the main reasons I joined here was to ask about how to find women and befriend them and then if a connection is made, how to proceed from there on.

1. First port of call, where would I find women of my age (18-25)? (I live in a university-less rural town for the record)

2. Secondly, how do I keep a conversation going longer than 5 or so exchanges, as I would need 50 or more than that (social media/ texting)? (Much of my experience in this field has been on Facebook and OkCupid, where people suddenly stop replying for no reason. [Gone are the days of MSN ])

3. If I get her interested, How would I go about asking her out?
(Never have I ever been successful with this).

4. When we finally do go out on a date, how do I woo a friend?
(Do I treat her like a friend, like some PUA's recommend treating dates like)

5. If we don't, how do I prevent the end of the friendship, as in keeping them interested?



Remember the goal here is to fuck a friend, not friend a fuck.

A lot of couples knew each other for a while before any dating or sexy times happened between them. That's the more common story in fact. However, they weren't ever just friends. They each held an attraction for the other the whole time. That attraction grew as they got to know each other but it also existed to some extent from the moment of meeting.


"There is no such thing as skillful prolonging." Sun Tzu, The Art of War

If you like each other and you don't act on that to move things forward in the moments that present themselves, only negative things can come from it. Many possibilities... An other steps up and she starts banging that guy, now you are waiting and hoping for that not to work out, all the time upset that she is banging an other maybe you even have to watch them be unbearably in love and kicking yourself for not acting in your moment. Or... She thinks - why isn't this guy jumping on me, I'm basically offering myself to him, maybe he doesn't like me that much or he's just a little faggit - then you later make a move maybe she goes for it or maybe she doesn't want to be the girl you aren't that attracted to but eventually settled for or she has already classified you as a little faggit and lost attraction. Or... something happens in either one of your lives and the logistics of starting a relationship with them change, too much distance, change in work, family problems, illness. Or... so many other possibilities. None of them are bueno.

You prepare yourself for inevitabilities and desirable opportunities. When they arise you act. To not prepare for them and / or to not act when they appear would always be a mistake.


Now for your amateur psychology session...
Had to look up what is a demisexual. Genuine questions: You said 'imagine', are you a virgin? If you can't imagine sex with someone you don't have a connection with, what do you masturbarte to?


Peace,

kowalski

Erm... maybe.

Assuming I masturbate. I could jack off to women I don't find physically attractive, although I generally don't as that would just be shit. I usually fantasise about a person I like.

Physical attraction isn't the same as the ability to fuck or date someone. I could whack one off to any girl I find fit, but I wouldn't be able to date or fuck them until I had an emotional connection with them.

Why is this guy even here!

You are scared and confused and telling a lot of lies to yourself. If you carry on like this you'll be a fully blown creepy loner by the time you're 30. The lies and confusion and fear will become you.

And this nonsense- "Maybe"... "Assuming I x" - pathetic. Answer the questions honestly and directly, ogtfo.

Authenticity is pretty much everything in this.


Peace,

kowalski

I'm sorry if it's come cross in that way.

Ok, being authentic: I'm a nerdy virgin that's never had a girlfriend. I find it difficult to make emotional connections with people and have very few friends. I'm terrified of women and of being judged. Social anxiety prevents me from working also.

Being single does not bother me most of the time as I'm usually away in the clouds, but there are times when I desire someone to bounce off of. I certainly see myself as the 30 yo virgin if I do not grow a pair and cop on. That's why I'm here.

To put it short, I want a girlfriend but I don't know where to start. Can you help me?

If you've never had sex you don't know how you would like it and how you wouldn't. Not till you've done it a whole bunch of times, a whole bunch of different ways, with a whole bunch of different people will you have an idea how you like it.

This is how it is with anything. Think about it...

If you met someone who had never drank alcohol but they had specific and exclusive ideas about under which context they would enjoy a nice craft ale, you would dismiss their jibber jabber as nonsense.

Youhave no idea how you will like sex and with whom, just as this person has no idea how they would like to take an ale. Maybe the scenario they imagine having an ale in is a perfectly good one, maybe even an ideal one - at home with friends by an open fire after a long walk in the mountains collecting chestnuts on a snowy autumn eve on a cabin trip to some remote part of Scotland - that's great, who wouldn't enjoy that moment. But if they were to add - and only under those circumstances would I enjoy an ale, any other time it just wouldnt be for me... I guess I'm demiale - thats an idea held at the exclusion of others and is restrictive and is built on nothing but pure fantasy for this person has never tasted alcohol let alone developed a taste for which type of ale they enjoy and in what setting (and you'd ridicule them a little for using the term demiale).

Dont get ahead of yourself.

Why do you think it is that you can only imagine having sex with someone you consider a friend?

Peace,

kowalski

I get your point, albeit a rather fallacious one but I won't argue it.

I think trust plays a large part in it. Sex is a rather intimate thing.

I've realised that I struggle with trusting people, even those I've known for a long time. I find it difficult to tell if an individuals intentions are good or bad. Anxiety doesn't help with that.

I've gotten far, CBT has helped alot with anxiety, and this is one of my goals.

Oh shit, I didn't see this.

-Skint.
-Tried no fap. Got a week in and couldn't handle it. Although I have done it for 2 weeks before, by accident. No idea how I managed that. I'll defo consider it again though.
-Keep meaning to join the gym, but potless atm.
-Just got meetme on koplayer. What are these group things you speak of?
-The whole point of this post was how to get "female pals", lol.
-Ok. I don't use the term tbf, it's just a more accurate term that is all.

I was in a very similar situation to you at 30 in terms of lack of sex and social anxiety.

Move to a city, you can make it work.
There are lot of girls in a city you can talk to 100's and your social anxiety will get better. You won't get over it without taking practical steps. Don't get wrapped up in theory and over-thinking it - that can come when you've banged 100 girls.

Thanks.

I've a while yet till 30, lol.

Moving to a new city would be a MASSIVE change for me, something I wouldn't be prepared to do at my current stage.

But I am slowly trying to combat anxiety and the like. I was recently told by a friend that I'm 10 times more confident now than a year ago which is saying something. And I've started pushing myself alot more in the past half a year and I've noticed I'm far less anxious about certain stuff than I have been before.

Been considering joining Toastmasters but not sure yet. Went to my first meeting last month and it was quite fun (other than being put on the spot). I'm terrified of my icebreaker, but completely out of character I'm rather excited.

I've been thinking about saying hi/good [insert time of the day] to every girl I meet and building up from there. Will this help?