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Default She Said I Was Quite Effeminate.... - 15-06-2017, 08:44 AM

Ok guys I need some advise.

I recently matched with a girl on tinder she was smoking!
ok so after a few messages I asked for her number and she told me to treasure it :P I was in! For the past week or so we were messaging every day, joking around and getting to know each other.

I asked her out for a drink we met up and we got talking it went well we played some pool we were having a laugh but I did start to get this vibe from her sort of stand off ish. after an hour or so we decided we should go and I went for the kiss and I got a peck.... I was in shock I new it didn't go well after that.

so I messaged her later saying thanks we messaged back and forth then the next day she said she is going to be honest and doesn't see me being anymore than a friend.. when I asked why she said I was quite effeminate.

is there anyway I can fix this or some tips how it cant happen again?

bare in mind I am a real mans man I'm 6'4 built and I fix cars tractors motor bikes as well as drive them I really don't know how she got this from everyone I tell is in complete shock cause it just isn't me?

what things can I do to prove I am not effeminate?
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Default 15-06-2017, 12:53 PM

If this is the only time anyone has ever called you effeminate, which it sounds like it is, then I think you would do good to just let it go.

If you mean prove to specifically her that you are not effeminate, you can't really. Trying, in any context, is obvious and is the opposite of a sign of strong independence / internal locus of control. Forget her. Maybe she didn't even mean effeminate, maybe she has a shitty grasp of English. It really doesn't matter. She said she isn't feeling it. Accept that. Wherever you can, train yourself to let go of the need for an explanation, the need to understand, the need to be understood, the need for closure, the need for revenge, feelings of nostalgia, etc. They aren't good for anything.


Some stuff nothing to do with her saying you are effeminate...

Trust your feels. You knew already she wouldn't kiss you from the vibe you were picking up. Trusting feels will also lead you to good things in other moments

I always immediately ask "why?" when I kiss a girl and she doesn't go with it. Sometimes the answer is something you can work with, sometimes it's her own problem and you can tell her she needs to deal with it. Then you can stay or leave on your terms.


Peace,

kowalski


Be authentic
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daleinthedark (15-06-2017)
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Default 19-06-2017, 09:30 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by kowalski View Post
If this is the only time anyone has ever called you effeminate, which it sounds like it is, then I think you would do good to just let it go.

If you mean prove to specifically her that you are not effeminate, you can't really. Trying, in any context, is obvious and is the opposite of a sign of strong independence / internal locus of control. Forget her. Maybe she didn't even mean effeminate, maybe she has a shitty grasp of English. It really doesn't matter. She said she isn't feeling it. Accept that. Wherever you can, train yourself to let go of the need for an explanation, the need to understand, the need to be understood, the need for closure, the need for revenge, feelings of nostalgia, etc. They aren't good for anything.


Some stuff nothing to do with her saying you are effeminate...

Trust your feels. You knew already she wouldn't kiss you from the vibe you were picking up. Trusting feels will also lead you to good things in other moments

I always immediately ask "why?" when I kiss a girl and she doesn't go with it. Sometimes the answer is something you can work with, sometimes it's her own problem and you can tell her she needs to deal with it. Then you can stay or leave on your terms.


Peace,

kowalski

Thanks for the response dude.


That's the thing I have a hard time letting go I never get the girls I want and when I meet someone I think is out of my league I fuck it up every time.

If I wasn't so nervous about the fact she was the type of girl I have been looking for I think I would of been alright but I was trying too hard I guess.
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Default 28-08-2017, 10:52 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by XSpacedX View Post
Ok guys I need some advise.

I recently matched with a girl on tinder she was smoking!
ok so after a few messages I asked for her number and she told me to treasure it :P I was in! For the past week or so we were messaging every day, joking around and getting to know each other.

I asked her out for a drink we met up and we got talking it went well we played some pool we were having a laugh but I did start to get this vibe from her sort of stand off ish. after an hour or so we decided we should go and I went for the kiss and I got a peck.... I was in shock I new it didn't go well after that.

so I messaged her later saying thanks we messaged back and forth then the next day she said she is going to be honest and doesn't see me being anymore than a friend.. when I asked why she said I was quite effeminate.

is there anyway I can fix this or some tips how it cant happen again?

bare in mind I am a real mans man I'm 6'4 built and I fix cars tractors motor bikes as well as drive them I really don't know how she got this from everyone I tell is in complete shock cause it just isn't me?

what things can I do to prove I am not effeminate?

Don't try and "prove" anything. That's being effeminate! lol

You got a stand off vibe early on and so you knew how she was feeling. Game is to play with those feelings and try and challenge yourself to move her from one emotion to another. That's part of the game.

I remember I took a 9/10 out once. Honestly it was one of the most fun nights I had and all i wanted to do was kiss her. I had planned to kiss her near this statue but it was raining like hell outside. So we went in to a coffee place and I went in for a kiss and she turned her face (she didn't even let me peck her!)

Now immediately your brain demands a thousand answers. Am i not attractive? What doesn't she like about me etc etc. But I know any one of those answers would have thrown me into a pit of negative feelings towards myself.

So instead I tapped her nose and shook my head and called her a b**** (jokingly ofc while laughing).

We went out for dessert after and she kept laughing at how she rejected me and I was like yeah yeah you're not that pretty anyway (a complete lie)

Anyway about 3 weeks later I actually did kiss her and about a month after we got into a relationship she voluntarily told me why she didn't kiss me- she was massively hurt from a previous relationship.

Now if I had asked her why she didn't kiss me on the day, I reckon she would have masked the truth with all sorts of things. So my best approach was just to let it go and move with it.

It's a right ballache when she's smoking hot- you're naturally gonna put pressure on yourself to get what you want. But you have to play with her vibe and not take what she says seriously.
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