Hi Folks,

I havent posted or been for the last few days. Been disillusioned by the whole PU thing. Really struggle "to leave her better than when you find her"..!!

Here's why:
I have been seeing three different girls regularly in the space of 3 months. I have been honest with them from the very beginning saying that Im not looking for a serious relationship. It was fun initially. Apart from sex, we go out out and do fun things. The first two girls, Ali & Bev, told me at different times they wanted more and wanted to take things seriously. I just told them I am really like being single and I like my freedom. The next thing I know I got nasty texts saying Im using them when I know with a clear conscience that I havent. And was told that I hurt their feelings. I got annoyed and just ignored both and never heard from them since.

The third girl, Shell. Now shes different. We kinda close and I love her company and we spent a lot of time together. She's everything I look for in a partner - long blonde hair, fab figure, nice boobs, good looking etc. Despite this attraction, I dont really want to settle for a relationship not with her, not with anyone else. Now on Saturday I got a long text message from her. Basically, she said that she is in love with me - what the fuck? And that she knows I dont want anything more. And she doesnt want to still be around when I do find the right woman. Now, that hurts big time. And she says shes hurting too. Now since Saturday I havent heard from her at all...!

I know this is long winded. But Im so disillusioned by the whole thing. You meet them, you have fun, you help them, and they want more and when you say you cant do that, they get HURT. So how am I supposed to leave them better than when I find them...! This is shit...! HELP!!

Wish I did!!

Fuck it is pooo!!

Last time I was in a three way relationship I got attached to all three and we all go hurt.

Put me off everything for months till my manly urges got the better of me...

The chick im with now is very hot and even tho I know shes not going to be a serious relationship, I turned down two other women recently when it was on, because I didnt want to be back in that position.

I too would welcome any advice.

Firstly I really love the fact that you guys genuinely care, met so many people claiming to be ‘puas’ that couldn’t give a shit! For me, the whole thing all so clever because it plays on exactly the right emotions at the right times to get girls where you want them, and thinking what you want them to think. Its genius, but at the same time perhaps a little dangerous. I sound extreme but its true! Recently got asked how I though ethics/managing expectations could be incorporated in training e.t.c, and I recon it can‘t be.…take away this element of control you have over girls and you are not using the game!

Id say I have a pretty relaxed attitude about things for a HB10 (jokes), and have convinced myself I don’t want a relationship right now. But no matter how much I try, find it completely impossible not to get attached to guys and feel the need for some form of commitment. I just cant do it! It always gets to a stage where I crave security and reassurance. That is where guys and girls differ in my opinion. And please don’t feel quite so bad guys, we are very well trained in making you fell wholly responsible and guilty… its all evolutionarily hard wired and not our fault of course!


One of my fav books is NLP and Relationships by Joseph O’Connor, well worth a read to answer your problem and not much to do with NLP!

(sorry for writing an essay, it just all poured out)!

Thanks for you input Katya, it is welcome.

Thanks for all the input guys...!
Jaz - I think you are right about girls secretly looking for a partner altho I have been honest from the very start. Next time Im gonna thread carefully and yes, very them. It is an added complication but it is so necessary..!

K-dog - THANK YOU! Im still reading through your post and trying to digest everything you said (wrote)..! Your 4 rules are ace...! So much so that I have since texted Shell and told her she needed to see other guys too...! Whether she does or not, I dont know. I just hate the fact that I upset girls but as other things in life, it will past as you have said. Thanks again for the input. I will defo follw these golden rules..! Nice one!

Dolphin - Glad to know you been there too..!

Katya - Thanks for that female perspective...! I will have to be careful next time and thread carefully. I guess I need to re-iterate time and time again that Im not after a serious relationship and as K said, be totall straight with the girl.

Thanks again folks...!!

This is an interesting thread. I'll give it a think and write something on it.

I battle with this stuff continually - I'm seeing roughly around 5 girls at the mo, and relationship management has been a massive pain in the ass for me. Mostly in the logistical sense – trying to balance my time, keeping cleaning the condoms/womens’ hair etc from my bed each time!! Seriously!!

Yes, this lifestyle isn't easy; I've actually decided I don't want to continue it (but then, when I meet someone hot, sometimes I can't resist!).

I take it she has a nice personality as well !

Anyways, probably with the girl - Shell - you could get around it with a strong frame, and slightly adjusting that frame.

ie, make clear that you really want to spend time with her, but that you're not ready for a LTR yet. This is not a crime. Really make clear the fact that you like spending with her and care about her - that is probably what she is worried about. Then do something fun to get out of the 'logical' mode and back into real life. She probably just feels emotionally vulnerable.

This has worked for me in the past. Where I’ve seen their emotional POV, then actually addressed the cause….

I guess ultimately you are balancing both the women's emotions and your own.

from K
I'm really not sure about this - at least in my experience I haven't done that and its worked out ok. Initially it does sound a bit jealous to me, but I guess you have different intentions.

I agree with this one – I have almost a 100% record on this.

--

Also, I think that with some shy less experienced girls (the ones I really like for some reason), the only way they will accept a casual relationship is if you meet, court, start sexual relationship, then talk about it. I just don’t think they will even fathom it if you start off with the mLTR framing etc – its so far from their reality. And then you get into the grey area of not saying much, and still being in a relationship. And this is bad news!! Anthony you bastard!!

I'd really question whether you want this lifestyle at all to be honest. A few weeks ago I was seeing around 4 girls a week - what kind of balanced life is this?! not very!

Some of the so-called ‘great’ PUAs have lifestyles I really wouldn’t want to replicate. They are continually looking for sex all the time, that it seems to me to be a life out of balance.

See if we can help each other out on this one folks!

Anthony

It sounds like they took this as rejection, that they were offering more but it's not your fault that they didn't believe you when you said that you wanted to be single. It's a bit like the old "it's not you it's me" excuse women give men all the time but in this case it's true.

I think you have to meet up with her face to face and discuss this. Tell exactly how you feel and if she can't take this then you're going to have to let her go. If you just leave it like this there will be no closure for her. Give her chance to air her feeling and thoughts, let her get angry if she wants to but don't try and argue with her be sincere with her and mindful of her feelings.