Let me give you 2 scenarios that happened tonight (Thursday, JJs in Crawley).

Scenario 1 - Polish girl, nice figure, nice face, just nice
----------------------------------------------------

She and her friends are doing some crazy dancing off to the side of us. I look on then go up to her, implement Claw, and say 'after that dancing, I'm not really sure what to say'. She starts laughing, we exchange names. I try to dance with her, but her dancing is too crazy - she is like the Energizer bunny. Eventually I tire of this and say 'find me when a slow song comes on!'

BUT......

Her friends leave, and she hangs back for about 5 minutes in close proximity. On her own. Eventually she leaves. And when she is leaving, I realise I have missed the boat.

Scenario 2 - Lady in Red
------------------------
I catch a cutie in a red dress looking at me, the moment I spot her she smiles and looks away.

Brain to SmileyK: 'Approach her!'

But I didn't; I hesitated, then the moment was gone.

Later on, she is dancing in close proximity with her friends. This happens twice. There are no other guys approaching. Surely I have to try. But nope, I pussy out, and eventually she goes off somewhere else and ends up with another guy.

What was common in both scenarios? FEAR.

The fear in Scenario 1 - I didn't know how to deal with a high-energy chick, and bailed out even though she was interested.

The fear in Scenario 2 - I didn't want to approach and be rejected.

This is what I was thinking.

Driving back home, I realised the ridiculousness of these situations. There were SO many chodes in this club just standing around, and so many girls not getting approached, that any guy with balls (even little ones) would have bossed it.

Don't get me wrong - overall the night was good, talked to a couple of girls, usual stuff. But these 2 particular scenarios highlighted one of my current sticking points - fear of loss, i.e. the girl walking away.

BUT

How do you know what is going to happen if you haven't even tried??

And that is what I get annoyed at myself about.

At the moment I'm try to focus solely on the process, rather than the outcome, and this is paradoxical because by worrying about rejection I am focusing on the outcome!
On reflection, I realise what needs to be done next time:

Scenario 1 - assert my reality, do not be unfazed!

Scenario 2 - just approach! It doesn't matter what happens, it is another reference experience.

I know that with each rejection, I give a shit a little less. So therefore I should not be scared of rejection, but rather embrace it.

Got it. You have to start taking some risks.

You sound like you're on the right track. You know what you didn't do, and more importantly you know what to do.

"I know that with each rejection, I give a shit a little less."

Keep going, with each interaction you will take that fear down another notch I'm sure and then one day you'll have your own massive realisation that this type of fear means fuck all.

I appreciate this, thanks man

Another 'OK' night. Went out with my wing who I haven't seen for ages.

First place we hit is the Salsa bar.....where I did fuck-all. Was feeling too intimidated by the venue, and not relaxed enough.

So after a while we head on to Proud, and things go a little better.

Rather than posting the details of interactions, I'll summarise what I learnt from this evening:

1) Hesitation is fatal. I had ANOTHER scenario where a girl was into me (she wouldn't let me go!) and I failed to escalate. An hour later she was in the arms of another guy.

2) Still not doing enough approaches & taking more risks. No risk, no reward - simple as that.

So as you can see, these seem to be recurring sticking points.

Sooner or later (but preferably sooner) I am going to have to take a MASSIVE step outside of my comfort zone.

Tomorrow: Essex. Stay tuned....

Thanks K - that actually makes more sense than my previous statement

Tonight was the RS Lounge, as I headed out with some mates to celebrate a birthday.

The club is reasonably busy, but not packed. These were the highlights from the evening:

1) There seemed to be a LOT of girls on the 'I hate men' tip (this actually came up several times in conversations). Most of the time my reply was 'cool', and just carried on the conversation. I normally associate these kind of statements with low self-esteem. Solution - approach more girls, specifically fitter girls!

2) Being persistent can sometimes pay off. There was a girl that was giving me whole load of nothing for about 10-15 mins, then was more open when I re-opened her later. I have a number, however she has 3 children. Hmmm.

3) Sometimes you have to go with your gut instinct. Outside the club, at the end of the night, I kept exchanging looks with a girl. However, some guy was also talking to her. I assumed the worst; on reflection, people have never been hurt for being cool and friendly. This links to......

4) Pushing harder. Transformation is a slow, and sometimes painful process. By pushing myself more, I will inevitably make more mistakes. But I will also learn faster.

I went up north last weekend with a friend to visit old friends. Overall it was a good weekend - this is what went down on the Friday....

I meet my mates in a bar around 11. It's a nice venue, quite chilled. Chat to a couple of people at the bar. As I'm turning away, a little blonde cutie is walking to the bar. I stop her, and feel an instant attraction when I look into her eyes. I can't even remember what I said, it didn't really matter. I finished by saying she should find me later. She goes back to her friends, but occasionally glances over towards me. Why did I eject so early?

Around 12 we head on to the club. There are a couple of hotties in there, and my mate is DJing so feel quite at home. These were the main highlights:

1) I was chatting to one girl, some good banter, bit of physicality, BUT FAILED TO PUSH IT FURTHER. How I rue this one, because no other guys talked to her that night apart from some douches who invited her into VIP. I sat on the fence for too long, and this proved to be fatal. I tried to beckon her over from VIP but failed miserably, and this ignited The Fury.

2) On the dancefloor, there is a lonely-looking lady whose friend is dancing with another guy. Can't miss this opportunity, so we get down to a little bump 'n' grind. However after about 10 minutes, there is a swap so now I'm dancing with her shorter friend! Who has an ass to die for. This is a freaky one - she is putting my hands on her pussy, and the club is still fairly busy. I move her to a quieter part of the club, go for the makeout....denied?! After 5 minutes of faffing around I take her back to her friend....the 2 of them and this other guy seem to be on some threesome shit. Lucky him. And when I go back, who else do I see but the 1st girl I spoke to!

3) Back to Girl 1 - I was ribbing her earlier about being boring and sitting down. Now she was dancing, and a little drunk. But I did not dance with her, because I was being a pussy.

So we leave the club empty-handed, and head to another club that is open til 4ish. Whilst I was there, I see a guy in a wheelchair who is trying to grab every girl within range. The sight of a girl RUNNING away from this guy in a wheelchair was one of the funniest things I saw that weekend!

A more event-filled night than Friday....

Tonight we start out early, about 930. 1st port of call is a cocktail bar on West Street. The thing I love about the north is how cheap the drinks are, so me and my mate get a fish bowl and find a spot to settle. Even though it's not that busy yet, we're both in a good mood and having a laugh. I spot a pair of girls to the right, and decide to open. Both of them are tall - recently I've developed a liking for tall girls, don't know why - and one is immediately more receptive than the other. So we stay with them and have a bit of chat and banter.

I then open a hen group to the left and start chatting - they're all cool (only 4 of them) and I spot the one I'm going for. There is some serious flirting going on, so I decide to take her for a dance. Go for the makeout, denied, we go back. I ask her friend if I should take her number, to which the response is 'she has a boyfriend'. Oh well, her loss I guess! This may have been a blessing, as she got progressively drunker whilst we were there.

So from the cocktail bar, we head to a sports bar across the road at around 11 (Players). Have a bit of banter with some girls in the queue. This bar wasn't as good as the previous one, it was pretty difficult to open sets and a got a couple of confused looks.

We leave Players around 12, and head to Crystal. We have access to the VIP section, so chill in there for a bit. My mate ends up talking to a 'GILF', so does not look like a grandma AT ALL, and I chat to her friend. Some rather inappropriate chat, ha ha.

We came out of Crystal around 1, and went to the club next door (Viper Rooms). And this was the main part of the evening.

As I'm walking my mate starts talking to a girl. Somehow, I end up talking to her friend who is further down the street. So we all go into the club. I like my one (Emily) - she's tall, and pretty. I get a couple of shit tests about her height and other things, these get brushed aside as I'm in a good flow ('height doesn't matter when we're horizontal'). I dance with her for a bit, then we head outside for a bit of fresh air. There is a brief makeout, but enough to know that it's on.

So the conversation that resulted in all of us going back to her flat went like this:

'My feet are hurting'
'Well I'm quite good at giving massages'
'I think I would prefer a back massage'
'I give better ones in private'

And that was pretty much it.

HOWEVER......

Get back to hers, we all chill in the living room for a bit, then go into the bedrooms. She says she only wants a cuddle, I say 'OK'. 10 minutes later I'm fingering her, but getting LMR. She then falls asleep because she's pissed! So we wake up in the morning (or rather, I wake her up), she's obviously horny BUT get LMR again! Aaargh. So I just leave it, I have the number and she says she would like to see me again.

LESSONS LEARNT
-----------------

My main sticking point is simply not being bold enough, being afraid of losing the girl, and subconsciously focusing on the outcome by only being half-committed.
This is the main reason why some of the better interactions stalled; at the same time, I feel that I made a lot of progress so won't beat myself up too much.

Went out to a bar in Greenwich for my mate's birthday. We get in and it's not that busy, but there are a few girls here and there who have clocked us. We find a spot to chill, exchanging looks with a group of 4 girls sitting down.

Whilst we were here, we saw a textbook example of chodiness.....

One of the girls who was sitting down (Becky) approaches a guy who was in a group of 4 next to us. However, the conversation quickly descended into interview-style questions, whilst he stood a foot away from her. She then went and sat back down, looking rather embarassed!

So later on, the same group of girls are STILL sitting down and I said to my mate 'fuck it, got nothing to lose'. So I go over and open with quite possibly the worst opening gambit ever - 'I thought I might as well come and talk to you guys'.

In the end the opener didn't matter at all - Becky immediately jumped up and threw her arms around me, haha. She's a lively one, I take her seat and end up talking to her friend Sam.

Sam is a hottie - great body, and we're chatting. However at this point I'm being a bit conservative, and this comes back to bite me in the arse later. I tell her we're going downstairs to the club bit, and she says she'll come down in a bit.

A while later she appears in our group, and I sense it could be on. I ask for the number, she says she has a boyfriend. In prison! Hmmm. Becky then appears, I'm dancing with her for a bit and she says her friend Sam likes me. And then says 'I'm not going to fuck you'. Thinking about it now, the fact that she said it means she was thinking it. Becky then goes on to tell me that Sam hsan't had any 'love' for 2 years. That's a looong time. I could have been the guy, but unfortunately I wasn't.

LESSONS LEARNT
-----------------

1) 'You're a nice guy' - this is KILLING my game recently, and seems to currently be the main barrier to more success. As long as I continue to play it safe, this will continue to happen. I think I would rather get blown out in 5 minutes, than have a 2 hour interaction that goes nowhere. This is what I keep trying to say to myself - not everyone will like you, deal with it! But.....

2) I should be a nice guy who knows what he wants. I think this is the key - full commitment, not a compromise (thus feeding into other peoples' reality)

3) I need to be willing to suffer more rejections. It's something that I've said before in previous posts, but I'm realising that the fear of rejection is more deep-rooted than I thought it was. If anyone else here is (or was) in a similar situation, any advice is appreciated!

Off to footie, watch a bit of Blueprint, then get ready to hit the town again tonight.